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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, DOCTORIZE FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 *** DOCTORIZE has posted an AUDIO MESSAGE. If you wish to listen, type LISTEN01. <USER> LISTEN01 AUDIO MESSAGE PLAYING... <doctorize> This is the line for Dr. Daniel Dickens. If you'd like to leave a message, please do so here. I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible! | ||||
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[ Riley replies quietly but immediately. ]
No, um. ...Nothing else I ever tried, was, uh. Was good enough. I wasn't.
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I find that very hard to believe.
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But it's true, it- they needed me to be perfect, and at least if I wasn't perfect I had to- be working harder, so maybe it- anything could be worthwhile.
[ How's this— she looks up, for the first time. ]
I-I'm sorry, this is getting— I'm not making any sense, am I?
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[He's quick to try to assure her.]
Are you uncomfortable? Would you prefer if we tried to switch the topic to something else?
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[ Keep going. Just keep going. ]
I'm not a good person. I- [ Say it. Just say it. Say it— ] I killed them. The- some of the other girls on the team. My friends. I killed them.
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Danny doesn't say anything for a moment, processing her confession and thinking over how to go about approaching this. It's far from the first time he's ever had people commit murder sitting across from him for a therapy session, what with having used to work in a prison setting ages ago. Some had been remorseful, while others had not. Still, he had treated them all the same, and doesn't expect to find a reason to do so differently here when he finally speaks.]
May I ask why that happened? I promise not to condemn or deliver any judgements, not when I don't know the whole story here.
cw: drug addiction and alcoholism discussions, all underage
There was a video. [ Almost distantly, she continues. As if recounting her last days. ] We... We weren't really...good...at being a team. A lot of individual talent, but...but it never came together. We got last in every competition. We botched stunts. The whole town, they just. They laughed at us. It got worse, after... [ She breathes out. ]
There was a girl who was into gymnastics. Like...Olympic levels. Chess. She was...good. Really good. But she injured her knee and...started using painkillers. Like- like, a lot of painkillers. And, none of us could really— it was my junior year, the captain didn't try and do anything, not for her or Farrah—
[ She's getting ahead of herself. Riley pushes the heels of her hands into her eyes and takes another deep breath. The effect leaves her words slightly muffled. ]
Farrah...was a new member that year. She was also...good, but— during a game...Chess was stoned, and she dropped her. Like, completely out of formation, right on her head. Someone put it up online and it just...it skyrocketed, it spread viral, everywhere. We were a joke, and- and Farrah, she started coming to games drunk.
[ Her hands drop back to her lap, where they shake very lightly. ]
I worked...so hard... And then I finally made it, and it- it was like- like this, one little mistake, and. [ Breathe. ] I was the only person who ran for captain. I had to make the team work. To- to get everyone t-t-t- to...stop laughing at us. The school board was useless. The other g-g- girls, they didn't try to get along. And I just kept- ke- kep- kept thinking, I had to- to fix it, it elim- minate the problem—
[ She looks at Danny, lost and afraid. Like she's only just realized where she is. ]
No one was helping me.
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I see... I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with all of that on your own. And it sounds like you really were giving it your all and trying your best, despite everything going on with your teammates.
[He actually does mean this on some sincere level here: for a moment, Danny almost finds himself thinking of everyone that worked together in their building back home, and how there was a time where he felt like he was the only one doing the best work they were capable of... before he eventually gave up on caring about such things too by the end.]
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She's stunned silent, waiting for reprimanding that doesn't come. ]
You're...sorry? Y-y- you're. You're- you're sorry? Ev- even though, I...
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[Come to think of it, where were the adults during all this?]
Did you ever try talking to anyone else about it? Like your parents or any teachers?
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The... School board doesn't...r-really care. There's a set of...c-coaches, but. They d-d- don't. They don't really...pay attention to- to- to the team.
[ And, well. Her parents, that's... ]
...My, um. My parents, they don't...really pay, um. Pay attention...either.
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[Danny frowns at that, before he takes a breath and speaks.]
Well... even though I don't know you very well and this is the first time that I'm hearing about this, I want you to know that I do care. You couldn't have someone to rely on back home, but I do hope that there are people here that you feel like you can trust to have your best interests at heart from now on.
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It's only when her view of Danny starts to blur that Riley realizes she's started to cry. She quickly rubs at her eyes, embarrassed— if they see you cry, they can use it against you, after all. ]
I- I'm sorry. This is all k- kind of- a lot.
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It's okay. You don't need to apologize here.
[Does she need a tissue? He'll offer a tissue box out for her to take if she needs it.]
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Th-thank- thank you. Thank... Thank...
[ It's a little unlikely she'll be able to compose herself this session in any reasonable fashion, at least for anything substantial. ]