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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, DOCTORIZE FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 * DOCTORIZE has posted an AUDIO MESSAGE. If you wish to listen, type LISTEN01. <USER> LISTEN01 AUDIO MESSAGE PLAYING... <doctorize>** This is the line for Dr. Daniel Dickens. If you'd like to leave a message, please do so here. I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible!

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[well yeah, she should hope so]

I thought I might feel different if I didn't have to kill him. So I didn't even though he was being bad again.

...I'm very disappointed, doctor. I would have allowed him to kill me if that were possible. I shouldn't have doubted things like that. I'm having trouble remembering or making sense of why I did now.

Zack helped me to see a bit more clearly after he killed Dad. But even then... I wish I could have fixed him. It was like...we got rid of the bad daddy, and this time here was nothing left to make a better one. I didn't kill him. I don't understand why I couldn't have my perfect daddy this time. Even for a little while.

And then there's another sadness in knowing that if Zack and I decided to fulfill our promise, doing so could be very difficult.

Everything feels so empty again.

[There's a pause here, as Danny reads over this and gathers his thoughts, decides on what to say. He wishes this was a face-to-face conversation, so that he could look at those beautiful, empty eyes of hers. It makes it so much easier to gauge and say the things that will make them shine from within those dark depths...]

Even if you had been able to do so, I don't think you would have been able to fix him, not this time... after all, he wasn't the only one that fell apart, in these last few days. This world is not as generous in allowing a person to correct their mistakes, in that regard.

[Gray. His mother...]

And even if you did allow him to try to kill you, you're still here. Despite not being able to get what you want... I suppose there is one good thing about it, in that you've still kept your promise with Zack.

[And as much as Danny fucking despises Zack and the promise the two of you have, he can at least acknowledge that it was for the best that Zack didn't let your Dad kill you instead.]

Edited 2018-08-28 00:03 (UTC)

Yeah. There's good points and bad points. That's why everything feels so strange.

I don't know if you got to see one of them after they died. Any of the arrivals, I mean... I think probably so, but just in case: it's fascinating...like a holographic display. There in unchanging condition. That sounds perfect, doesn't it? You say something like that about my eyes. Living forever in death. But he had a big hole in his chest and his face was all wrong. I couldn't make him a better daddy before or after death this time. He would have those horrible hands that hurt people forever. I may be his daughter but...I just can't feel like he was my dad, how he was.

...I really miss their bodies. I miss stuff that feels like mine.

I saw one of them that had died, yes. Though, considering the condition they were in, it was hard to get a good look at their eyes...

[Namely because Danny had smashed the guy's face into the pavement several times, and then only slit their throat after Juno objected to trying to kill a guy that way.

At least there was his mother--actually, no, the less thought given to that, the better probably. Save for one thing that had come up during the time Rachel got to meet her.]

Rachel, are you still interested in acquiring a pet?

[Because we can certainly help try to find something that you can make yours here...]

[Hm, so they all suffered because of the holographic attributes of the bodies... Unfortunate.

...]

Yes. I want a pet.

Good, good. We can look for something that would be the best fit for you sometime soon, once things have settled down a little here.

[seeing as both of them are the emotional equivalent of watching paint dry at the moment, you know]

Yeah.

There's a lot more that happened, but maybe it's best to talk about it in person after all.

If that's what you want. Just let me know when you'll want to stop by the office to talk about it and I'll clear my schedule for you.

[She knows it's the truth,]

Right. Thank you, doctor.

[...And then, when it's been long enough that obviously she wouldn't have any thoughts left for one Daniel Dickens:] It was nice for a while, wasn't it?

[.................]

Yes. It was.

[God he misses his mother already. Hell, he misses Gray too, despite how much of a disaster his being here had been, let alone everything that came before.]

Was what I did okay? I didn't really lie, but... I thought it might be easier on everyone.

You didn't do anything wrong, Rachel. If anything... I think you made my mother very happy, during the time that she was able to meet you here.

Good.

[Even if she knows it wasn't enough, because it's never enough, even when she tries really hard. Their visitors have proven that more than once.]

She was pretty, doctor. I don't have much experience, but...she seemed like a good mom.

She was. She was always making sure that I was eating right, and in good health. She worried a lot any time I was out of sight from her.

[And it upset her immensely when he would come home injured, or when neighbors would whisper and gossip about his missing eye...]

[...Heh.]

You're more like her than you think.

Really? What makes you say that?

The way you try taking care of me.

[very mom...]

Oh.

[Ha... ha ha ha--]

Well, I wouldn't be a very good doctor if I wasn't looking out for your well-being, now would I?

[Danny, a good doctor wouldn't obsess over their patient's eyes either, but okay sure.]

I suppose.

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