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ryslig)
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, DOCTORIZE FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 *** DOCTORIZE has posted an AUDIO MESSAGE. If you wish to listen, type LISTEN01. <USER> LISTEN01 AUDIO MESSAGE PLAYING... <doctorize> This is the line for Dr. Daniel Dickens. If you'd like to leave a message, please do so here. I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible! | ||||
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If I didn't have the scars I'd think it was all a dream because I just knew how to use it. I mean more than the few lessons worth of practice I've had.
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[There's a pause as he makes a note of something here at his desk, before he speaks again.]
Do you regret it? Would you undo your actions if you could?
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[He pauses, swallows.]
I regret killing him. But if you put me back there, I think I'd still- I wouldn't stay. Which is terrible. I could...maybe I could make a difference, still.
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I can't say that you should be easily forgiven for what you did--I mean, I'm not the one that needs to do the forgiving here, after all. But there's no telling whether or not they'll ever arrive here so that you can apologize, or if a miracle will happen that will let you undo what has happened.
So instead, I think it's important that you recognize that what you did was wrong, and that you do regret it. Recognizing that is the first step towards finding peace.
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It doesn't feel like he's really dead. Like any of that was real. And... I can't undo that, but I could go back.
[He says the last words with deep dread.]
I don't...
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It's going to take time. And that's fine: no one expects you to immediately move on from something like that. You're allowed to grieve for as long as you need.
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I've been thinking I could maybe open up a portal home. I can't do much, but it's got to be better than nothing, right? Every bit helps.
It's just that...you know.
And I'm not even grieving it's not even that real, except the part where I killed him. I see that a lot. But I can't believe he's dead.
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[He taps his fingers against the desk here as he speaks, as if he's got something else on his mind in regards to the subject before he speaks again.]
... But, it's best to acknowledge that you are going to have to wake up from it someday, and to be prepared for when those emotions became more real than ever. Whether that be by going back home and facing what you've done, or finding a way to live with yourself and those actions while you're here instead.
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[He sags back,seeming defeated.]
That doesn't help, but thanks. I think.
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It may be harsh, but it is the truth. Or at least, I certainly hope you didn't come here expecting me to lie to you about something like this.
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It's just that the truth isn't helpful.
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Perhaps it's not now, but it will be some day.
[There's a pause as he makes a note of something here among his papers.]
In regards to your idea for opening a portal... I'll admit that I'm not a scientist who would know the intricacies of such things, but I do think that it's certainly be a good use of one's time to focus on, if that's what you want to do. In fact, not only would that be helpful to you, but should it be successful in bringing you home, perhaps it could be used to benefit others among us here who wish to return home as well.