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[doctorize]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, DOCTORIZE FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 *** DOCTORIZE has posted an AUDIO MESSAGE. If you wish to listen, type LISTEN01. <USER> LISTEN01 AUDIO MESSAGE PLAYING... <doctorize> This is the line for Dr. Daniel Dickens. If you'd like to leave a message, please do so here. I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible!

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[doctorize]

Mm, I see. It can't be that easy of a change to have occur here.

[Danny's smile dims a little at that, but he nods in understanding.]

So then, how are you feeling right now?

[peccatore]

Right now?

[He thinks about it some more, and...]

I... think I'm fine, actually. Or more fine than I thought I would be. It feels like I should be having a worse time, but I can't actually bring myself to think about it too much.

[doctorize]

[Hmmm]

Why do you believe that you should be having a worse time? Is this because of your religious beliefs, and what demons normally symbolize in some texts?

[peccatore]

Well... Yes. I thought I'd be worrying about it much more than I am, but I'm not... And I'm not even too worried about that either.

[He furrows his brow. It's a circular kind of logic, but hopefully what he's saying is clear enough.]

[doctorize]

Isn't that a good thing, then? Why worry about something that you have no control over here?

[peccatore]

It's just that usually, I'd be worried about... You know... [He shakes his head.] The usual. Losing myself and whatnot. But, erm, I guess I might be fine because I've been working on... not thinking about things like that, and I've made progress without realizing it?

I'm not sure.

[doctorize]

Hmm... perhaps that's a sign of the medication doing it's job? Of course, I'd also like to think that you have put in some effort on your own to make progress with your condition, too...

[peccatore]

[Unsure of how to react - or if he should thank Danny, Marco just sort of... tilts his head. Then he frowns as something occurs to him.]

... I do still hear things. I know they're not real, so that's... fine, but it's still annoying.

[In fact, it's been especially annoying now that he's a demon.]

[doctorize]

Really?

[...]

What have you been hearing recently? Anything specific?

[peccatore]

[Marco crosses his arms. Indeed, he looks more annoyed than outright distressed, but still.]

They keep... bothering me over this. Being a demon.

[doctorize]

Hrm... perhaps that's your own sense of guilt speaking to you, over how you think you're supposed to feel over this recent change? You're at odds between two conflicting feelings, and for one side to take the form of what sounds like voices trying to communicate it's viewpoint louder than the other side could be what you're experiencing here, when observed from a particular point of view on the matter.

[peccatore]

Well... Alright.

[Marco nods, tense. Something about this matter being discussed in these terms makes him uncomfortable. Maybe he's just not used to it.]

So, what can I do about it?

[doctorize]

[Danny hums in thought as he briefly looks over the notes he's taken here during their therapy sessions together.]

Have you been consistently taking your medication here, even with the new changes that have occurred?

[peccatore]

[After a moment's hesitation, he nods again.] Yes. The... These changes [and he gestures vaguely at all of himself] don't really have anything to do with whether I take the medication or not. I want to be...

[What's a word that doesn't make him feel like garbage?]

Healthy.

[doctorize]

[Danny nods at that.]

Good, good. I just wanted to make sure. [He makes a note of something before he speaks again.] Have you discussed these thoughts with your partner, by any chance?

[peccatore]

I share... some things with him. Not everything.

[Although that may not be hard to guess, since he still has trouble speaking of some things in the privacy of Danny's or Hawkeye's offices.]

The... You know, the broader monster things, sure, I've told him about it and he understands. He's helped me with it a lot, actually. But the things I hear, from... my "parents", and the rest... I don't bother him with the details.

[doctorize]

Why? Are you worried about what he might say or do in response to hearing about that?

[peccatore]

I just... don't want him to worry. Besides...

[There's some clear discomfort in Marco's face. He doesn't LIKE sounding "crazy."]

[doctorize]

As someone's partner, I would assume that he worries about you here regardless... but, alright. I can see why you wouldn't want to sound crazy when speaking to someone that dear to you.

[peccatore]

Right. I... [He gesticulates, averting his eyes out of how flustered he is.] I think it's a different kind of worry, worrying about me being here versus worrying about the things I hear. He'd be unnecessarily distressed if I told him what I hear.

[doctorize]

... Do you think that he would leave you, if he knew about what kind of things you hear?

[Danny you can't just ask him something like that--]

[peccatore]

... No. Not really. Only if I acted on them.

[He's quite a bit more somber all of a sudden. The lowest point in their relationship... It was at the height of his delusions.]

[doctorize]

I see.

[Danny makes a note of something, before he suddenly smiles.]

Well Marco, as long as you continue taking your medication and keeping to our scheduled appointments, I have faith that you will continue to do your best to not act on those delusions here.

[peccatore]

[Sometimes, Marco wonders what Danny's writing. But even if he felt like he could ask... he's not sure it would be such a good idea to know.

Not that he never asks questions he suspects he won't like the answer to. For instance...]

Do you think... I'll have to keep taking it indefinitely? Is it the only thing keeping me from.... from losing my mind?

[doctorize]

[Danny frowns a little at that now.]

Unfortunately, that's how mental health treatment works, at least in most cases: we can only "treat" the symptoms rather than cure them. If there was a singular medication that could immediately cure a person's mental state in only one or two doses, there wouldn't be much of a need for therapists, would there? But alas, no such thing truly exists. It's a sad failing of the mental health practice, really.