inbox (ryslig)

[doctorize]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, DOCTORIZE FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 *** DOCTORIZE has posted an AUDIO MESSAGE. If you wish to listen, type LISTEN01. <USER> LISTEN01 AUDIO MESSAGE PLAYING... <doctorize> This is the line for Dr. Daniel Dickens. If you'd like to leave a message, please do so here. I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible!

Comments

[doctorize]

No no, this is good information to have, thank you.

[Danny takes the piece of paper, making a note of the sedative on his clipboard here before he hands it back.]

Start with whatever you're most comfortable with, or wish to talk about the most here.

[peccatore]

[He takes a deep breath. It's reassuring that Danny is a professional, even if it doesn't do much for how nervous he feels.

Gonna have to get it out, though.]

Alright.

It's not... a huge problem now, with that medication, but... I hear things. Voices.

[One day, Marco might not feel so self-conscious about something he's always seen as A Definite Sign Of Craziness. Not today.]

[doctorize]

[Ah.

At that, Danny simply nods, as if that's the most normal thing he's ever heard in his life.]

How long has this been going on? Was this happening before you arrived here?

[peccatore]

[At least he's thought of the answer to that question by now. A few months ago, he might have been too unsure.

He idly spins his glass of water in his fingers.]

No. No, I'm fairly sure it wasn't. I think it started after... after a Christmas party here in Ryslig. Two years ago, I think? It, ah, it was one of those parties that went wrong. A lot of people saw or felt things that weren't real. But I... never stopped, I suppose. And then I started losing track of... You know. Of what was real or not.

[doctorize]

Ah, I see.

[Danny makes a note of that here on his clipboard before he continues.]

I understand if the details are hard to talk about, or even remember in their entirety given that this happened two years ago, but can you tell me what exactly happened at this party, and what you remember experiencing in more detail? Perhaps there's a key within what you saw and heard during that event that explains why you're still hearing these voices now.

[peccatore]

Ah...

[He remembers well enough - or at least as well as he remembers most things. It's just...]

It... is a little personal. I figure that's why it stuck, anyway. But... But I realise that means I should talk about it, too.

I think... I felt like I was in Hell. There was fire all around me... [He slowly nods.] I thought the Devil had finally come to give me my just desserts.

[doctorize]

... And why do you believe that? Did you do something to deserve that sort of judgement?

[peccatore]

[Marco inhales. The look in his eyes, if one were particularly adept at reading it, is that of someone who is so very, very tired of dwelling on something but just can't quite move on.]

Years before I came to Ryslig, I... killed my father. In self-defense. He was a vampire, he lost control, he... [He never feels comfortable justifying it. It's much easier to speak of what he sees as damning.] I destroyed all the evidence and inherited his business.

[He breathes out like he's only just remembering to do so.] And then I was brought here and I turned into something that-- that needs to kill with my bare hands to keep myself going. I convinced myself I was... I was being punished. Or tested. Maybe both.

Hawkeye said I, uh, showed signs of post-traumatic stress. I-I suppose I get where that comes from.

[doctorize]

[Hrm...]

He may be right about that, but... [Danny taps his pen against his clipboard for a moment, thinking before he speaks again.]

Marco, if you killed your father in self-defense, then surely that would make it a justifiable homicide, wouldn't it? At least, it would be considered as such in a court of law for most places, even with setting vampirism aside.

[peccatore]

That-- That's not the point.

[The way he says that, you might assume he's just tired of thinking about it. Truth be told, this point of view rubbed him wrong the very first time someone brought it up.]

[doctorize]

[A pause, and then--]

Ah, I suppose it doesn't change the fact that you took a life, does it? Regardless of whether or not one could consider it justified... I apologize if it sounded like your concern for committing such an act wasn't valid.

[peccatore]

... Thank you for understanding.

[Marco gulps down some more water, takes a deep breath.]

S-Sorry. I've had this discussion before.

[doctorize]

Hmm...

[Danny considers something.]

Well, why don't we talk about something else for a moment? Tell me about your interests, or any hobbies you have that are enjoying to take part in.

[peccatore]

[That's... a really unexpected turn, actually. It sort of takes Marco a couple of seconds to process the question.]

Uh... Well, I like... computers. Programming and developing and whatnot. I suppose it's related to... to my job, but I do really enjoy it.

[A pause.]

It's had its ups and downs, but I think computers might be my favourite hobby. That feels right.

[doctorize]

I see, I see! Is this a hobby you picked up here, or was it something you were interested in at home as well?

[peccatore]

I've liked computers since I was a kid. My father's company... That's, uh, that's what it dealt in. Computers and computer software.

[Ok well he didn't mean to bring this back to his dad but]

[doctorize]

[It's fiiine]

Well that's good, having a hobby from home that you can appreciate and work with here too.

[peccatore]

[He attempts a smile, more out of politeness than anything else.]

And... If you think about it, it's pretty lucky, too. Ordinarily, a world with this general level of technological advancement might not have personal computers.

[doctorize]

Indeed! It's definitely something to be grateful for here.

[Danny makes a note of something here, before he speaks again.]

Is there anything else you enjoy doing here? Or anything in general that makes you happy or feel more at ease?

[peccatore]

Um...

[It takes him a little bit. It's... genuinely, strangely hard to come up with an answer.]

I like... swimming.

[doctorize]

... Did that start being an interest of yours before or after you started living here?

[Sorry, Danny can't help but ask.]

[peccatore]

[There's something... wry to the look on Marco's face.]

After. But I do really like it now.

I've done... a lot of thinking about this kind of thing. Probably too much thinking.

[doctorize]

I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing: given my own changes I've started to have, I think it's worth considering what may or may not become an interest or hobby that makes this change more enjoyable to adapt to rather than frightening, especially for newcomers here.

[peccatore]

I know. I know that, I'm really trying to keep it in mind going forward -

[He nods, a bit frantic.]

But you should know... just how much I've thought about this stuff. Gone over it again and again in my head, terrified that every new little thing meant I was losing my humanity.

[doctorize]

I see. If it's any consolation, you're not the only person who has thought about this frequently, or in the same amount of detail. It's scary, thinking about what you've gained or what you've lost, and whether or not what's left can still be called yours at the end of the day.