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[doctorize]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, DOCTORIZE FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 *** DOCTORIZE has posted an AUDIO MESSAGE. If you wish to listen, type LISTEN01. <USER> LISTEN01 AUDIO MESSAGE PLAYING... <doctorize> This is the line for Dr. Daniel Dickens. If you'd like to leave a message, please do so here. I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible!

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<whichdoctor>

[getmeoutofthedraft]

before common sense gets the beter of me. So preferably somewherebetween now and the end of this bottle.

<doctorize>

[doctorize]

[... Yikes.]

In that case, please feel free to stop by now. I'll be here in my office.

[And sure enough, you'll find the door to his office unlocked and Danny getting some water to offer, as Hawkeye might need it depending on just how much he's been drinking before now...]

[getmeoutofthedraft]

[It's about twenty minutes before Hawkeye lurches through the door, reeking of alcohol even worse than usual, in rumpled clothes and with a three-day beard.]

[He plops himself down unceremoniously in the nearest seat, and as an afterthought, floats a detached hand over - in a rather wobbly arc - to shut the door behind him.]

Shrink me, doc.

[doctorize]

[Danny watches him close the door with some amount of fascination, before he sets down the glass of water on the table next to Hawkeye's chair for him.]

I suppose I should start by asking what brought all this on, hm?

[getmeoutofthedraft]

Oh, you know, the usual. [He flaps a hand airily.] Mummy didn't love me enough, I had a few nasty breakups, latent homosexuality, one time I got stuck in a hole for ten hours...

Oh, and I violently murdered eighteen patients last week. [The slur in his voice is suddenly gone, along with his whole casual affect. He's still clearly trying to be blase, but it's hard to do when you're fighting not to cry.]

[doctorize]

[ah]

Well that would certainly put a damper on things. [DANNY--] If it's any consolation, no one was in their right mind last week.

[Danny's injuries that he had on his arms can certainly attest to that.]

[getmeoutofthedraft]

Are you kidding me? Not in my right mind? What the hell good is that meant to do me!?

[Sorry, Danny. Just because he came looking for therapy, doesn't mean he's any good at actually receiving it.]

[Also, you know... he's extremely drunk.]

[doctorize]

[There's a long pause, and then...]

... Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want me to tell you that you're a terrible person for having killed those people, regardless of whether or not you were in control of your actions? Or perhaps you'd like me to detail all the ways that this has hurt you, and yet no matter what you do, you'll never be able to take any of it back. Maybe they didn't have to die. Maybe you should be blamed entirely for even thinking they needed to, regardless of your mental state having been manipulated.

[Danny says all of this very casually, like as if he's talking about the weather. He even has the nerve to smile.]

Is that what you came here for? To hear someone cut you down like that? Because while it's not what you should hear, I can certainly do that too nonetheless, if you think that's what will help you move on with your life here.

[getmeoutofthedraft]

[Hawkeye just stares at him, and those are definitely tears in his eyes. If he weren't so busy being miserable, he'd be really embarrassed.]

[His tone, when he speaks, is aggrieved, but at least he's not shouting and swearing any more.]

So what should I hear? Because "temporarily crazy, don't fret over it" isn't exactly super helpful either, you know.

God, I thought you were meant to be our actual decent therapist.

[doctorize]

[Ahhh yes, just the sort of thing he likes looking at when it comes to the emotions a person's eyes can portray. To his credit, he smooths his own expression back down to "respectable therapist" levels when he responds.]

I didn't say that. What I meant was that you weren't the only one who had experienced some rather gruesome things last week. As such, it would be rather hypocritical for someone to not be able to understand how you feel, or for this to even be the first time that this place has made one question themselves here. What you are feeling now is perfectly natural and worth acknowledging, despite the severity of your actions.

[getmeoutofthedraft]

[Hawkeye sighs heavily, his head dropping forwards into his hands. His shoulders sag, and he shakes his head.]

I can't work like this. That's what it comes down to, okay? Every time I look at a scalpel I want to puke.

I don't want you to acknowledge it. I need you to fix it, okay? Before I start wondering if I should even be in a goddamn clinic at all.

[doctorize]

I can't promise that I can fix you with just a snap of my fingers here or whatever it is you're expecting: therapy is not magic, it doesn't work like that.

[A pause, before Danny speaks again.]

You said that looking at your tools makes you feel ill. Perhaps we should start with asking what you can do to help people for now without being in the operating room, until you're able to pick up a scalpel without assuming the worst of yourself and second-guessing what you plan on doing with it.

[getmeoutofthedraft]

[Hawkeye sighs, rubbing his jaw.]

...Okay. Okay, yeah.

Well, I can't do my half of the psychiatric slots right now, that's for sure. Diagnostics, I guess?

[doctorize]

[Danny nods.]

That's a start. And if you need any assistance with anything here, there's always myself and Halloway that you can ask, too.

[getmeoutofthedraft]

[A ghost of a smile.]

Hampton-Crowe, I think you'll find. He got on my back last time I called him Halloway.

At least you've still got a good doctor on staff there.

[doctorize]

[Danny laughs a little at that.]

Oh? I'll have to make sure to keep that in mind, then.

[getmeoutofthedraft]

He's very aggressive about being married. Anyone would think it wasn't a horrible mistake.

[doctorize]

To be honest, I didn't even realize that he was married.

[probably should have guessed from the name tbh]

[getmeoutofthedraft]

Uh-huh. Last year.

I tried to talk him out of it, but there you go. Guess I can't do that, either. Heh.